In Silence

Suddenly it all occurred to me that after this vacation was over; it will be just days on counting before graduation. Not that I don’t want to graduate, but I just can’t get over the fact that I will, most definitely, be alone again. I might be wandering out in another school. I’d surely miss high school, best four years of my life, World Citi Colleges, Holy Trinity School, difficult, yes, I wanted to assure my self that I wouldn’t get too emotional along the way.

The first time I ever felt this was when I was going to transfer schools for 1st grade, to a new school, barely remember my first day at a real school. From G.A.U.F. it wasn’t so hard to transfer since I was young, but seriously the thought of leaving my classmates then hurt me, crying inside the bathroom done pretty well, I was born to be a cry baby, but a pretty one, hahahaha.

I would surely miss Percival, Jun Jun, those nine years together, imagine I’ve been with them for a decade, eight to nine hours a day, and imagine 250 days of school with them, Rhonette, Kaye, it’s hard enough to be in a new school, than to be with new classmates at the same school. College, pff, freaky.

Exhilarating. I want to go to school already, I want to capture the last 2 months we’ve got. The last, last, very LAST days we’d be together. I don’t care if anyone does care about that I feel right now, no one ever does, hahaha, pathetic. I’ll be miserable enough these 2 weeks ahead, after finishing the saga as I promised to my self, I’m sure of it. Boring, back to the boring hours where I’d spend my time in front of the boring computer, just like what I did before, how I did before. I want to go out, experience life outdoors, walk along beaches, with friends, with them. I want to be sure now if we’d have our retreat next year, hoping for it, and I hope it would be a week long; a super long week that I’d treasure for my last year. I can’t even imagine my self getting old, I’m sixteen now, and two years from now I’m going to be eighteen and I’m an official adult by then, ugh! I wish I could turn back time. But what the heck, I couldn’t.

Blogging again, couldn’t take it anymore thinking of words to say (to write) when I was in my room, I couldn’t afford to miss the words lingering in my head, by the time, I want to type them. Highschool. Graduation. Fear. What’s next? College. It would have been better if I lived in a book, hahaha, haven’t been over Twilight yet, and it’s maddening me, if there are other options I would grab them, but Twilight’s all I have right now, no room for disappointments in my vampire world, I tried living in the real world, but I had to cope up for four days, I HAD TO, or else I’d be frantic again.

Compulsive. Hate it. Like I can’t have it both ways; I can’t have him leave and stay happy. I can’t have him stay and stay guilty. I want him to be happy too, I’ve decided on this already, but I didn’t think I was ready for the outcome. Turns out, my guess was right, and my emotions stayed calm, it was good, I already had a way out of my emotional state, just had to be a little cautious now, I don’t want to startle my self and begin being emotionally battered over a not so serious attempt on being happy. Hahaha. Pathetic, really.

Chatted with my friends earlier, missed the way we chat for the longest time, two years, well two years ago I was so into Harry Potter, yeah, nodding in frustration. Weak. Don’t want to be this way. Talking to my self, like I had any reason not to, I’m crazy. Nicdao, Bugay, Manaloto, they’re the classmates I call by surnames, got used to it by now. Nicdao and Manaloto have the same first names, and they insisted if I’d acknowledge them by their surnames, can’t have them looking at the same time if I wanted to call on either, hahaha, they’re best friends and they’re usually together, like a mom is to her daughter, well here, Daodao’s the mother hahahaha. Kidding.

Shop’s awkwardly empty nowadays, I wonder why, maybe the kids have come to their senses and save their money than to enjoy it on an hour of internet/games or is it just that the economic crises are bothering them too, like it is bothering me well my family.

Better set out on something easier to talk about, let’s talk about me, hahahaha, like you haven’t had enough of me already, it’s like you might be wondering why you wasted 10 minutes of your life reading a nonsense thread. Hahahaha. Obnoxious.

I’m sorry if I’d ever bother you, I just wanted to talk, type, blog I mean. Just wondering if someone feels the way I feel today. Bored. Hahaha. Can’t find enough reason to look up again. I’m tired. Sad.

Bottom Line: Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you; those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. (1 Peter 4:12,19 NIV, continue reading)