In Silence

I’ve never come to regret the times I’ve actually failed my self, which lead me to where I am right now, the decisions I’ve made, no, never; it’s just that, I’ve never thought it would be like this, that it would actually end up like this.

I’m quite depressed at the moment. Too depressed that I’ve conquered it. My friends, I love them so much that I want to kill them, hahahaha. I’ll never forget them. Maybe I’ve just been careless, too confident and too LOUD.
I can’t blame anyone; not in the way some of my friends think. I can’t blame anyone but myself. I was stupid; I was all the time stupid. Reckless. It feels like it doesn’t have to be this way but I’m so upset about it.

So to cut the commotions short, I’m not an honor student anymore. Got an 84 (1st Qtr. TLE) and an 82 (2nd Qtr. TLE). Sheesh. I guess it’s fair enough. My heart says, “Ok, its fine.” but my mind argues and says, “No, you deserve to be IN!” Get the logic of my situation? I just can’t get over the fact that I’ve disappointed my mother, and father, I guess it’s not my season; well, it is, but not for the better side.

Strained. I always knew it could happened, I just never thought it WOULD actually happen. Hahahaha. Like I said earlier, I didn’t thought it would end up like this. I never really anticipated for this to happen - I’m such a loser!
Well, anyway, I can’t  say I’ve lost it. I still have my life to live. Never get tired of it, because you can always lose it anytime. It could hurt so bad you would’nt have a reason to believe in anymore.

As soon as I got home, I logged on the computer and sent my bestfriend a message (she’s in the States right now.) saying:

Angeli
Posted 03/23/2009 9:26 pm

“hey.. I’m not an honor student anymore.
just wanted you to know.. i guess i’m feeling what you felt exactly when we were in grade six.

and i actually cried over it; it hurts.. i guess i’ve expected too much. it’s weird, a bit frustrating really - i can’t believe i’m OUT; goodbye dream team hahaha, i love you..

and miss you; wish you were here to comfort me.. and bebi too; it could’ve been NICER to have you here, can’t say how much I miss you now - it’s really killing me, hahaha, i want to talk to you about this.

i so really want to talk to you - i feel like crying again (but you know i can’t cry in public places! hahahaha, i just feel like i’m going to *rawr*) i’m so upset.

i love you..
and miss you.

i want to hug you right now. ^_________^
laab you so much.”

So she gave me a reply saying:

Danika
Posted 03/24/2009 8:54 am

“hey

aRe yOu okay?

yeah i wiSh i wAs tHere tO coMfOrt yOu…

aNyways, you’ll GET OVER IT soOner or later!

i kNow hOw yOu feeL T_T

jUst mOve oN aNd jUst faCe the fUture

tHere a LoT mOre 2 cOme for yOu aNd fOr us..

sOooo yeah…i miSsssssssss yOuuuuu tOooooO!

aNd i el-oh-vee-ee sOooo mUcho!

i wiSh marTney ishhh taKing caRe of yOu…

depEnd oN hiM

aja aja fiGhtiNg!

prOmise me yOu wOn’t cRy aNymOre…?!

*pinky promise*

i love u bestttiieee”

I actually thought last night that I’d never get over this, but as time passes, God gives this inner healing in you, I’d never lost a place, I’d never received a failing grade, nor did I received a line of seven; it’s just that standards are higher now, and that 82, can never help me. I can say I’ve understood everything now; that dark silhouette never stays for too long; just a while, (Q: how long is a while? A: I don’t know ask Edward Cullen! Hahaha.) to be really serious about how I feel right now, ask Jeremiah 29:11, for God has set plans for me, plans to prosper and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. So it doesn’t hurt anymore.

I thank sir Reggie for making me sort ready for this; though that plan didn’t really work out so much. It did help, a little, but you know, hahaha, I don’t know, I’m just over it.
I thank Lempot, Patricia so much for comforting me; and for not leaving me that day hahaha; for JunJun, na ipinag-lalaban talaga ang karapatan ko; kay Percival na super-papa talaga, ideal guy, for Awii, sa place niyo parang nawala lahat ng kalungkutan ko, you’re a really sweet guy; At kay Mami Berna, kay Ma’am Tess, Ma’am Millon, Ma’am Jelly — you’ve all been nice to me, ay si Titser Mhel pa pala, harhar, at Titser Anne, basta lahat na nga lang, amp, hahaha, ang dami niyo kasi e. I love you Jemma, Bebs — K, lahat as in lahat, James, Paul, and everyone else na naging comfort people ko kahapon, rawr. Sa mga first year na nag-comfort sa’kin kanina, “Ate Angel, okay lang yan.” at kay Kainah syempre. WAHAHA. THANK YOU. I LAB YOU.

Bottom Line: Friends, are really can’t live withouts.

Created yesterday, finished today.