In Silence

At 4:16am this morning I got a text message from my brother; it sort of was a bad news - knowing that death is something that’s not really for rejoicing - so, I got the message, I read the message that says; “Nanay Tayang passed away 2:30am”.

I don’t know what had been happening last night, all I know was I was super sleepy, and that I want to rest from all the stupid projects - rest.

Last Sunday, March 1, my brother had been texting my father about updates on Nanay’s situation, by the way she’s my Lola sa tuhod and died at the age of 91, he said that she’s been having a hard time breathing, infairness to my Lola she’s never been the source of hirap in the family of four at our province, Samar; if it weren’t for her stumble not so long ago while walking back from the market, she could srill have been walking and fishing for groceries in the public market; she’s a strong woman - my Lolo sa tuhod passed away ahead of her, and she got through all that pain of losing a daughter; my Nanay Conching passed away at age 63 because of Pancreatitis. I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t miss her; my Nanay Tayang’s daughter was the closest Lolas I had, while my Lolo sa tuhod I never got into his time.

My Nanay Tayang’s last words (to my ate); as translated because her dialect is Waray, “Punta kayo ‘pag namatay ako a, wala nang mag-aalaga kay Iya (my youngest aunt),” and she were searching for her eldest son Tatay Pater, “…hindi na’ko binisita ni Pater.” The most painful thing I feel is that she died alone, in her room. Evening yesterday, my brother had texted Papa that Nanay was okay already, and because of inevitability, she passed away at 2:30am.Shocked by the news, when my mom finally woke up, I told her the news - then she woke my father. “Pa, patay na daw si Nanay.” my mom said, “Ha? E kakasabi lang kagabi okay na daw ah?” said my dad. So that was how it went, exactly when my father woke, my Tita were awake and he had to talk to her right away.

Last Sunday, was the last episode of our series in church, it was entitled: LEGACY; it’s what you leave behind in case you have gone or so. I guess what my Nanay Tayang’s legacy left for us is that; to continue to love and to have perseverance. God has a purpose for everything, and every pain has the best purpose, it is for us to learn to lean on God in times of struggles. The best way to live is to spend it with God and with the people you love; the best way to love is to love unconditionally, to love others as brothers, not judge; because they’re are just as fouled up as we are, forgiveness is the solution and love is the key; the best way to learn is through your struggles and hope for the wisdom of God to shine upon you; and the best way to leave a great legacy is to live, love and learn as if nothing had hurt you in the past, because you are filled with Jesus Christ’s love; to have shown your hope for a heaven that God had prepared for you.

Death is not the end, well actually for worldly beings it is, but in God’s point of view, death is just the start. A humble beginning.

I don’t know what’s into me right now, I don’t know if I should be broken or sad; but there is one sure thing that is in my mind today, and it was that she’s in a happy place now, her devotion to her faith never stopped and I’m a witness to that faith. God could not have given her that 91 years here on earth if he hadn’t had a purpose for it; and there it is, he opened a heart out of us who were stumbling out of the crisis. God had answered a prayer and that is for my Nanay Tayang to have that heavenly vacation - a never ending one.
She’s with Jesus now - I am sure of that, one day we’ll ALL be with her again.

Bottom Line: For I am convinced that neither DEATH nor LIFE can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39