In Silence

I can’t really tell how much I love my mother. Sometimes hindi kami nagkakasundo, sometimes we really get mad at each other, sometimes nasasagot ko siya, sometimes, haay, sometimes I just could bring myself to regret the chances I had when I could just say, “Ma, I love you.” to her.

But still NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS or what happened I still love her, kasi she only wanted his son to be happy, she only wanted also to be happy, at pati rin sa sis-in-law ko; she just wanted what was best for her children.

May 1. An urgency came on, a BIG family problem, it wasn’t suppose to happen, if only things kept silent and personal. I got home from an overwhelming night at Church, when I got home I went here, at our computer shop…

Later when I went home, things were getting a little frustrating, we were hearing loud thuds from upstairs, there was an uproar, and it wasn’t minor. God’s leading me to something on this… So my mom eventually got upstairs, well it got a little out-of-hand, it ended up getting worse.

My mother didn’t want to see my sister-in-law anymore, she was mad, REALLY mad. In fact she was so mad, my father can’t even talk to him clearly, she was so mad.

May 2. Early in the morning, my sister-in-law left. My brother was crying when he called out knocking on our parent’s room, “She left.” “Why did you let her leave?” my mom answered.

May 3. Sunday. Things were getting pretty weird.

May 4. My sister-in-law went home secretly, early morning, and left. My mom, doesn’t like sneaking in or out. That’s rude.

May 5. Everything at home was okay already. Except my brother who just can’t get over what had happened.

Fault finding, it’s jealousy’s fault.

My brother tried to explain things to my mom, how the problem was entirely a misunderstanding, there was no other guy, there was no problem with his wife; but the real problem was our mom’s relationship with my sister-in-law. They had never adjusted to each other since the dawn of my brother’s relationship with her.

My brother can really be obsessive at times, and he really loves his wife; the thing is when jealousy strikes, it’s another problem.

My brother went off with my nephews, when they came back, everything fine got to everything wrong again.

May 6. My sister’s birthday. My mom went off, brought everything she needs to our home in Rizal. I can tell she was outraging now, she can’t handle the fact that my sister-in-law was in our home.

But she went home, eventually, to go with my father at his office. To take some time to relax.

It was a really tiring day for me, it was bad enough that my family’s in a major upheaval. But I never lost my faith in God.

When everything’s left me, when everything doesn’t seem right anymore, I can handle it, because I have my faith in Him.

May 7. My mom officially went to Rizal, she should be staying there for as long as she wants, as long as God wants. Things are getting worse, every day. But I ain’t losing hope on the fact that things would be okay again, better, it’s hard. Hindi lang naman basta sila lang ang nahihirapan, KAMI rin nadadamay.

Bottom Line: Praying.

A fresh start.

I would never had blogged anything about this, if only it weren’t bothering me for days.

I read Hosea the other night, and it was overwhelming, I always get overwhelmed at things like this, THE LOVE OF GOD. It was superb!

From hating the wrong stuff I did, he still loved me, he still loves me. Kahit na ang mga bagay ngayon ay temporarily not okay, by God’s grace, it will turn into a beautiful episode one day, and we’ll all learn a lesson on it. EVENTUALLY. Hahaha. I’m still happy, kasi I’ve been an overcomer.

Grabe super love talaga ako ng Lord, tsk, sobra!

I love you God, and I’m sorry if I stepped on others. I fall humbly at your feet asking for your forgiveness, for I have sinned.

I love you Mama, hindi ako galit sa’yo, siguro magulo lang talaga isip mo ngayon, pero hindi pa rin magbabago pagtingin ko sa’yo, mama pa rin kita, at I give you importance, kahit na sometimes you’d rather have things your own way, I’m still thankful kasi hindi mo ‘ko pinabayaan. I love you Martney, and I’m sorry if I ever judged you, that wasn’t my job, it’s God’s.

Bottom Verse: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV